


a million pieces

by groundopenwide



Series: Nick!POV [7]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 15:59:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groundopenwide/pseuds/groundopenwide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>And Sebastian may be alive, but nothing is fine; because Blaine has the feeling that this has been happening for awhile now, that it was a long time coming, and he'd just been too stupid and self-absorbed to see it.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	a million pieces

Jeff is the first one to tell him.

Blaine is sitting at his disk, the glow of his lamp illuminating the trigonometry homework in front of him, when his phone rings. It's already close to ten o'clock, his parents asleep, and he has no idea who could be calling him at this time of night. When he spots Jeff's name on the caller ID, he picks up immediately, the pencil falling slack in his hand. "Jeff? What's up?"

It's been awhile since they've talked. He and Jeff used to text every other day, at least- even after everything, with Blaine leaving Dalton and the drama with the Warblers junior year, they'd managed to stay good friends. Jeff still apologizes to him, sometimes, the guilt for his past actions obvious enough, but Blaine is over it. Has been for months, now. He's just glad to have his friend back, no matter what had separated them in the first place.

That still doesn't explain why Jeff is calling now, though. The last time they'd seen each other had been Sebastian's birthday a few weeks ago, and even with their constant texts, they don't usually talk in person.

The other end of the line is quiet for a long moment. Then Jeff murmurs softly, "Blaine, it's Sebastian."

The hollow note in his voice has Blaine straightening in his chair, his stomach climbing its way up to his throat. "What happened?" he demands, already moving up to his feet. "Jeff,  _what happened_?"

"You need to come to the hospital," is all Jeff says, and then the line goes dead. Blaine scurries about his room in a blind panic, shoving his feet into his shoes and throwing on a jacket before he is barreling out the door, not bothering with the fact that it's late and his parents have no idea that he's leaving. All he can think are the words  _hospital_  and _Sebastian_ , and he needs to get there now.

*

He bursts through the hospital doors and is greeted by the sight of Jeff, hands tucked into his pockets and a solemn look on his face. Blaine hurries up to his side, mouth already open, and asks, "when-"

"Yesterday," Jeff interrupts him. "He's fine now. I just- I couldn't call you. Nick was a mess, and..." he trails off. Blaine blanches, because Sebastian's been in the hospital for twenty-four hours and he'd had absolutely  _no_  idea?

"I know, Blaine, okay? I'm sorry. But you- you don't understand. When I say Nick was a mess, I mean it. And then he stormed out of here earlier, and Sebastian hasn't spoken since."

"Jeff...it's fine," Blaine sighs, running a hand through his hair. "At least you called me. I just...I have to know. Did he...?"

Jeff's throat works visibly as he swallows, and Blaine's chest clenches up painfully. He watches the blonde's head as it bobs up and down in a nod, and then he has to close his own eyes and inhale shakily as the reality of the situation slams into him.

Sebastian tried to kill himself.

"Can I see him?" Blaine chokes out, and Jeff merely shrugs, tipping his head in the direction of the hallway.

"It's late, but I asked them to let you in," he states. "I'll be waiting out here."

As Blaine makes his way slowly past the rows of doors, it's as if he is walking outside himself. 201, 203, 205. The numbers string along in his mind, but they don't really comprehend. His breathing is still shallow, his hands trembling minutely, but he forces himself to try and remain calm, tells himself,  _he's alive. Everything's fine._

And Sebastian may be alive, but nothing is fine; because Blaine has the feeling that this has been happening for awhile now, that it was a long time coming, and he'd just been too stupid and self-absorbed to see it.

When he finally reaches room 217, he stalls in the doorway for a minute before steeling himself and heading inside. Sebastian is sprawled across the plain white sheets, an IV tucked into his arm, and his skin itself is also a chalky shade of white, his eyes sunken and hollow. There are bandages wrapped tightly about his wrists, and the sight causes Blaine's stomach to twist unpleasantly. He doesn't want to think about it, can't imagine finding Sebastian like...like  _that_.

He nervously clears his throat, and Sebastian's eyes flutter open. He stares up at Blaine for a few seconds, confusion written across his features, but the look is soon replaced with one of recognition, and his eyes widen as he straightens up on the bed. "Blaine?" he croaks.

"Uh- hi," Blaine mumbles. Sebastian continues to gaze up at him in shock, his fingers curling in the sheets at his sides, and Blaine keeps his eyes glued steadfastly to the floor.

"How did you..." Sebastian starts.

"Jeff called me," he replies, and then they lapse into an extremely uncomfortable silence. Sebastian finally looks away from him, a long breath escaping his lips, before he speaks again a moment later.

"Can you- will you sit?" he asks, almost timidly, and Blaine manages a jerky nod. He pulls up a chair to Sebastian's bedside, seats himself primly on the edge of it, and clasps his hands together in his lap, his fingers rubbing anxiously together. Now that he's here, he doesn't even have a clue what to say- that he's sorry? That Sebastian shouldn't have done it? But that would mean nothing, in the long run. He doesn't know if there's anything he  _could_  say.

Finally, Sebastian opens his mouth once more. "Thanks for coming," he murmurs quietly. "I know we haven't...been on the best of terms. And it's my fault. But I just...I want you to know that I'm sorry, Blaine."

"Me, too," Blaine whispers, lifting his head. He meets Sebastian's gaze, and the unavoidable  _pain_  he sees there nearly knocks him breathless. Lying in this hospital bed, with his limbs wrapped and his face so exhausted, Sebastian appears to be nothing more than a scared, vulnerable little boy. The sight is unnerving. Blaine is used to seeing arrogant, proud, confident, or maybe all of the above, but not this. Not afraid, and certainly not apologetic.

He doesn't know what to make of it.

"I- I should tell you something," Sebastian says slowly, jerking Blaine out of his thoughts. He scans his eyes across Sebastian's tired features and waits for him to continue. "It's- well. I guess I've already apologized, now. But I don't think you realize how badly I felt, after what I did to you. It ate me up inside, because...you'd tried to actually be my friend, you know? You genuinely tried, and I fucked that all up, and I was so, so mad at myself." Sebastian pauses, lets out a mirthless laugh. "And then I developed this- this  _attachment_  to you, or maybe to the idea of you, I don't know. You were just the first person to really  _try_ , and I latched onto that. I won't go into details, but I was a wreck over you, Blaine." He turns back in Blaine's direction, smiles wryly. "But then Nick said something to me this morning. He asked me if this...if it was because of you. He's really something else, Nick is. And I didn't tell him, but I want to tell you- this  _wasn't_  because of you. Not at all. I've- I understand now, I think. I thought you were a lot more, put too much weight on you. And I suppose what I'm trying to get at here is that...well, I'd really like to start over. That is, if you want to."

Sebastian's rant comes to an end, and Blaine is frozen, his heart heavy. There's a hitch in his breath, and his thoughts are whirling a million miles a minute after everything Sebastian's just confessed. It's- he's made it sound like he thought he was  _in love_  with Blaine or something, and that just isn't possible, because he's Sebastian-

Or, maybe it is possible. Sebastian is proving to be a lot more than Blaine's anticipated.

"I...I'd like that," Blaine replies at last, and his voice is soft.

Sebastian shoots him the tiniest, grateful smile, and the knot in Blaine's chest unwinds a bit.

*

He leaves Sebastian's room a half hour later and finds Jeff waiting for him in the lobby, some random magazine open on his lap. He looks up when Blaine stops in front of him and raises an eyebrow, and Blaine just smiles weakly.

"Thank you," he mumbles, and Jeff pushes up to his feet.

"You guys talked?"

Blaine nods, twists his fingers together in front of him. Lifts one hand to scratch at the back of his neck, replies, "he's a mess over Nick."

Jeff frowns. "I know," he says lowly.

"Do you think they'll figure things out?" Blaine asks hesitantly.

Turning his head to gaze off at some aimless spot down the hall, Jeff bites down on his lip. He folds his arms across his chest, and when he speaks again, his voice is hushed. "When two people care for each other like Nick cares for Sebastian, they always figure it out. I just don't know how long it'll take."

Blaine tucks his hands into his pockets, his foot scuffing absently across the tile floor. "I get the feeling that Sebastian's willing to wait, no matter how long it takes."


End file.
